Help Your Family Navigate Change
The past few years have brought a lot of change into our lives, from pandemic-altered school and work schedules, unprecedented weather events, heightened security concerns and more. And through this process, many families came to realize that they just don’t do change very well. If this is your family, the first step toward making peace with change is understanding that your dislike for change is perfectly acceptable. As a counselor focused on promoting resilience, Carla Shuman, Ph. D., notes, “It’s normal to have mixed emotions around changes, to wonder whether you made the right decision, or to wish things were the way they used to be.”
Accepting your emotions about change doesn’t mean you can avoid it, but it can help your family work through them. Following are some guidelines for accepting your emotions and moving beyond them to address change constructively, whether it’s a minor alteration or a major life disruption.
Acknowledge what’s happening. Too many families deal with change by ignoring it. Start with clearly identifying what is changing and how it affects the family.
Talk about it. Encourage everyone to discuss what they worry about most as a result of the change. And then work together to address those worries.
Validate emotions. Assure everyone that there is no right or wrong emotion about the change and that their feelings are perfectly acceptable.
Don’t let blame factor into it. Some people react to unwanted change by blaming others. Let everyone know that blaming won’t change anything, least of all the impending change.
Identify what can be controlled and maintained. Sometimes it helps to let people know what they can affect and where they can find solid ground. Talk about what can be controlled in the midst of change, and identify important things that will stay the same.
Involve everyone in the change response. The whole household must collaborate on a response to change, so involve everyone in planning how the family will adapt. If responding will take time and effort, assign everyone a role and ownership of an aspect of the response plan, according to their age and abilities. Having a hand in the response plan will help each person feel like they’re taking positive action, which helps to reduce feelings of helplessness in the midst of change.
Keep a positive outlook. Don’t just tell the family, “We’ll get through this.” Show them you believe it by keeping a positive attitude and working toward stability and progress.
Download September’s Full Newsletter Here